ToyFarce News: Cold Slither’s New Single Tops Charts, G.I.Joe Blames 'Subliminal Messaging'?!

This week, the G.I. Joe team from Hasbro held a livestream, and the music industry is in shock as Cobra’s heavy metal band, Cold Slither, once again became an overnight sensation. G.I. Joe demands an investigation!

The world of music has been turned upside down as Cold Slither, Cobra’s infamous heavy metal band, has skyrocketed to the top of the charts with their latest single, "Cold Slither". Fans are calling it "the most addictive song ever" while G.I. Joe intelligence reports suggest something more sinister: subliminal messaging!



Cold Slither, originally a Cobra propaganda tool disguised as a glam metal band, was largely forgotten until this week, when their surprise new track started dominating radio waves, music streaming services, and suspiciously, military recruitment ads: "We were monitoring their resurgence when we noticed something weird" said General Hawk of G.I. Joe. "People weren't just listening, they became obsessed. Civilians, soldiers, even some of our own team members started showing up to work in snake-themed leather jackets and calling each other 'Brother Viper'!"

To make matters worse, Hasbro has announced new Cold Slither action figures, complete with instruments, stage accessories, and, according to the fine prints, a warning label about excessive headbanging side effects! "If you feel an uncontrollable urge to headbang and/or pledge loyalty to Cobra after purchasing these figures, please seek immediate help from your local anti-brainwashing specialist. The power of rock should be enjoyed responsibly!"



With Cold Slither dominating the airwaves and their action figures following soon, will G.I. Joe be able to counteract their influence? Or will we all soon be chanting "We’re Coooold Slither, you’ll be joining us soon!"? (Such an earworm!!)

More news at 11:00... Too late to resist... 'cause Cobra is strong!
*ToyFarce News is parody news for laughs and not meant to be taken seriously!