ToyFarce News: Hasbro Announces "86 Apology Tour", Will Apologize for 86 Things to the Toy Community?

Today, Hasbro announced a new event titled the "Hasbro '86 Apology Tour", fans initially assumed it was yet another nostalgic nod to Transformers: The Movie and, more specifically, the traumatic on-screen death of Optimus Prime. However, ToyFarce has learned that this interpretation was not only incorrect, but wildly underselling the scope of the apology: Hasbro is actually planning to apologize for 86 things that collectors have been complaining about, in order to make amends with the toy community. ToyFarce investigated...

According to an extremely reliable source, the "'86 Apology Tour" does not refer to the year 1986 at all, but instead to the number of apologies Hasbro plans to issue to the toy community, a bold, unprecedented move acknowledging decades of collector grievances, nitpicks, debates, and unresolved forum arguments.

Here is a non-exhaustive list, in no particular order, of things Hasbro might apologize for during their 86 Apology tour, gathered by yours truly:

-The windowless packaging

-The Star Wars: The Black Series Rancor Haslab carboard backdrop and bone accessory pack stretch goals, which could have been literally anything else

-The Selfie Series figures that all looked slightly off (and were unavailable outside of the US...)

-The chat during any Fanstreams

-Army builders packed one per case, ensuring peace was never an option

-No Star Wars: The Black Series Oola figure with the Rancor Haslab

-No floor with the Star Wars: The Vintage Collection Mos Eisley Cantina

-The helmets that are slightly too big on Star Wars: TVC figures

-The Tron: Heroes of the Grid Haslab :(

-Cobra Commander's hood still being M.I.A.

-G.I.Joe Classified Series Retro cardboard packaging that was a bit too soft

-For turning troop builders into hard-to-find exclusives, like they're legendary Pokemons

-Switching back and forth from pinned joints to pinless joints

-The Marvel Legends Engine of Vengeance Haslab :(

-The Marvel Legends Haslab Sentinel's knees

-Marvel Legends Haslab Giant Man's eyes (they did apologize and fix it, but they'll double down)

-Reusing the same buck so many times that collectors can identify it faster than family members

-Build-a-Figure pieces that force collectors to buy characters they actively dislike just to finish a torso

-Not pushing harder for the Marvel Legends The Hood figure to be elected Action figure of the year 2021

-For releasing a "definitive" version of a character every 18 months

-Price increases

-The Cookie Monster Haslab :(

-The end of Power Rangers: Lightning Collection line

-Exclusives that are somehow available everywhere except where collectors live

-Transformers transformation steps that feel less like engineering and more like a patience or loyalty test

-The rise and fall of the Indiana Jones line

-Gummy joints/accessories

-Not releasing more Ghostbusters Plasma Series figures when there was literally a new movie in the theaters

-The Target/Walmart exclusives that exist only in promo pictures

-Cancelling last year's Hasbro 1027 event...

...

Whether intentionally or not, we will see the "Hasbro '86 Apology Tour" will manage to achieve something truly rare: uniting the toy community under a single belief that an apology is nice, but they're still going to buy/pre-order the next release anyway.

More news at 11:00... What would you want an apology for? Let us know in the comments!
*ToyFarce News is parody news for laughs and not meant to be taken seriously!