ToyFarce News: Real Reason Why We Won't Get A Rancor Keeper with the Haslab Rancor... Exposed!

by ToyFarce
November 29, 2021
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BREAKING NEWS FROM TOYFARCE
Real Reason Why We Won't Get A Rancor Keeper with the Haslab Rancor... Exposed!


Over the past few weeks, there's been a disturbance in the Force that we have all felt: The Haslab Rancor campaign tier reveals have been quite a letdown, and many loyal fans ended up cancelling their backing, as a response. Indeed, the Haslab Rancor will come with a repackaged Gamorrean guard, plastic bones, a cardboard backdrop, a repackaged Salacious Crumb, and yet another version of Return of the Jedi Luke Skywalker.

Rancor

Many collectors took to social media to express their discontent, and tried to make the message clear about what they wanted, like the obvious choice of having Malakili, the Rancor keeper figure come with it, or Jabba's exotic dancer Oola, with the hashtag #NoOolaNoMoolah trending for a bit.

Oola

Well, we know that Disney decided a few years ago to not ever produce any merchandise again depicting what was then known as "the Slave Leia" (now called the "Hutt-slayer Leia"), because of the outrageous, objectifying outfit that the Alderaan princess was wearing in the Return of the Jedi. We also know that the movie had to be edited to remove Oola's wardrobe malfunction from the original versions of the film...

Leia

But why would the Rancor Keeper not be included, you ask? ToyFarce asked an anonymous source that worked for Disney and Star Wars for years. "Well, the Rancor Keeper, or Malakili, is also a subject of great controversy at Disney. When you watch the movie, you'll see that he is TOPLESS in every one of his scenes! He is exposing himself all the time! It's a miracle that Disney hasn't edited a t-shirt over him yet! So no, there won't be any Rancor Keeper figure. First 'Slave Leia', then Oola and now Malakili..."

Malakili
That's it... you've made him sad :(

More news at 11:00... "He got his titties out!"
*ToyFarce News is parody news for laughs and not meant to be taken seriously!



Comments...

Last 10 comments - ( Read All Posts )
JangDangus - 2021-11-30 @ 9:52 pm

His titties? What theso is He-man like porn to them? Mickey Mouse needs a shirt too.

ransomz - 2021-11-30 @ 12:57 am

Hey, you've got have to standards. Am I right?

KryptonianNL - 2021-11-29 @ 6:40 pm

I thought they were going to go the "fat-phobic" angle.

214NoGhost - 2021-11-29 @ 4:44 pm

I get this is supposed to be satire... but is it really? I mean that sounds like about the level of stupid $#!% that Disney would actually pull.

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