BOSTON, MA — Local toy collector
Kennedy is reportedly thrilled that
Hasbro will soon relocate its headquarters from
Rhode Island to
Boston, because it means he will no longer have to limit his grievances to online comment sections. He will now just walk there and tell them
in person.
ToyFarce investigated...
"
For years, I've been typing 'This figure should have had pinless joints!' under livestreams, or sending strongly worded emails about price increases..." explained Kennedy, already packing his bag of
Marvel Legends,
Star Wars the Black Series and
G.I.Joe Classified Series figures. "
But now... now I can walk right into their shiny new headquarters and complain face-to-face. This is my endgame!"
Neighbors claim
Kennedy has been practicing his rants in the mirror, working on pacing and projection so
Hasbro executives won't be able to "
pretend they have to go to a meeting" (that is, if he manages to pass the reception...). He's also reportedly looking forward to asking "
When are we getting a HasLab *insert obscure character or vehicle*?" in person, while blocking the office elevator.
Hasbro employees, still adjusting to the move, have allegedly begun developing evasive strategies, including using
fake entrances, disguising themselves as
Lego staff, and installing
Nerf blaster turrets to keep collectors at bay.
More news at 11:00... "
Sir, this is the reception desk."
*ToyFarce News is parody news for laughs and not meant to be taken seriously!
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