ToyFarce News: Walmart To Offer "Pre-Cancellations" at next Collector Con, Making the Cancellation the Real Exclusive?!

In a bold move to "streamline the customer experience", Walmart has announced that during their next Collector Con event, customers will be able to purchase "Pre-Cancellations", allowing them to skip the agonizing wait between ordering a hotly sought-after exclusive figure and receiving the inevitable cancellation email. ToyFarce investigated...

"We realized our customers were already conditioned to expect disappointment", said a Walmart spokesperson. "So why not embrace it? With Pre-Cancellation™, you can secure your cancellation email instantly, saving you weeks of refreshing your order status and false hope. It's a premium service for true collectors of emotional trauma".

Each pre-cancellation email will now be treated as its own collectible item, complete with a unique order number and exclusive foil-stamped text. Rare "Chase" cancellations emails may include bonus typos like "Cnacelled" or "#Sorry4UrLoss", which are already expected to fetch high prices on eBay.

For those who enjoy the thrill of uncertainty, Walmart will also introduce a lottery system option, where your order has a 0.02% chance of actually shipping. "It's like playing the actual lottery..." explained the spokesperson, "... except instead of winning millions, you maybe get a $30 action figure six months late, in a bubble mailer folded in half".

Collectors across the internet have reacted with cautious optimism. "Honestly, this makes things easier", said one fan. "At least now I can skip the fake excitement and go straight to grieving. If only my G.I.Joe Classified Series Crystal Ball could have looked in his crystal ball to tell me he'd be cancelled... Plus, I got Pre-Cancellation #001, which is like the Action Comics #1 of disappointments!"

Walmart promises this is "only the beginning" of their innovation in the collector space, teasing future enhancements such as "Double Cancellations" (where your order is cancelled twice for no reason).

More news at 11:00... Walmart: where the only thing more exclusive than the figures is getting to actually keep your order!
*ToyFarce News is parody news for laughs and not meant to be taken seriously!