As a new year begins,
Greg F., 34, recently came to a groundbreaking realization: his life had become
far too easy and manageable. With a stable job, a healthy relationship, and no major life crises on the horizon, Greg decided it was time to shake things up by introducing a steady stream of stress and frustration into his daily routine. His solution?
Collecting action figures. ToyFarce investigated...
"
I realized I was just coasting through life!" Greg explained. "
I needed something to constantly keep me on edge, something to test my patience and self-control. Action figure collecting seemed like the perfect hobby! After all, what's more stressful than refreshing online store pages at 3 a.m. for exclusive pre-orders or dealing with scalpers who sell a $25 figure for $250?"
Greg dove
headfirst into the hobby, quickly discovering the many joys and agonies that come with it. From
delayed shipping on his favorite figures to
agonizing over whether to open a box or keep it mint, he finally felt the kind of tension and turmoil he'd been missing. "
It's exhilarating!" he said. "
I never know if my package will arrive looking like it was stomped on by Godzilla or if I'll get stuck in customer service limbo for weeks! Did I mention the customer service of big brands like NECA or Mezco? It's awful. I love it!"
His friends and family have expressed concerns. "
He used to be so calm and laid-back," said Greg's girlfriend, Melissa. "
Now he spends hours watching reviews, researching paint apps and articulation points. Last week, he yelled at a random stranger on the internet because they claimed a figure was 'overrated'. But hey, at least he's passionate about something!"
Greg, however, remains undeterred: "
Some people chase adrenaline by skydiving or running marathons" he said. "
I chase the thrill of finding that one rare figure I've been hunting for months. Sure, I may have less money and more stress, but I've never felt more alive! I may soon start a Youtube channel where I'll post random rants multiple times a week, and complain when other people get toys before me. I feel like it will do wonders for my mental health!"
More news at 11:00...
One of us! One of us!
*ToyFarce News is parody news for laughs and not meant to be taken seriously!
ucsf -
2025-01-04 @ 2:45 pm
Yay, accountants and masochists unite! Who needs mental health when everything can be so amazingly stressful...
I'm sitting here reflecting upon how much easier every other aspect of my life would be if I hadn't started (re-)collecting action figures. More money, more time on my hands after cutting out wasted trips to big box stores, less stress over figures I somehow missed out on, less stress over devaluing a figure I always intended to open but somewhere along the line shot up wildly in price... but then on the other hand I wouldn't have 6 different versions of Classified Cobra Commander, so you gotta weigh it.
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